cerita cinta 2 : bagaimana mahu cari cinta??

A very depressed looking customer goes into a bar and declares, "Bartender, please help me. I can't take this anymore."

The bartender pours him a stiff drink and asks, "What's bothering you sir?"






"Well, bartender, I'm 30 years old and I am having no luck finding love. No matter what I do, I only manage to frighten women away."






"Don't worry, sir, your problem is not serious. I see it everyday working here. All you have to do is to develop a stronger sense of self-esteem. To do that you must go to your bathroom mirror every morning right after you wake up. Look at your reflection in there and say to yourself, "I am a good guy, a fun guy, and an attractive guy". If you say this with absolute certainty and confidence, in just one week women will love you and begin flocking to your side.






The man is happy with this assessment and leaves the bar after paying his tab eager to try out the bartender?s advice and find love. Three weeks later, however, he goes back to the same bar looking every bit as depressed as before.






"What?s the matter, sir, wasn?t my advice effective?" asks the bartender.






"Oh, it was very effective. During the past three weeks I've had some of the best times in my life with the most attractive women I?ve ever met."






?I don?t understand. What's your problem then?"






"Oh, I don't have a problem anymore," the man says. "My wife?s the one with the problem now."



cerita cinta : cinta monyetttt !!!!!!!

Brad had been dating Elaine for months and had fallen in love with her. After much planning and hand wringing, he finally managed to screw up his courage long enough to declare his love and pop the big question.                   
                        "Being a bachelor is great," Brad began, "but in every man's life the time comes when he yearns for the company of another individual, an individual who will consider him perfect like a hero; an individual who he can treat as completely his own; who will be caring and true during difficult times; and who will share in his delights and sorrows."                   
                        Much to his joy, Brad saw an understanding look dawning in Elaine's eyes. Nodding her head in agreement Elaine declared, "What a wonderful idea, Brad! I just know I can help you find the perfect puppy!"                   

Pembantu Muda !!!!!!

In France, the young assistant priests do not live in the main rectory. That is reserved for the priest and his housekeeper. One day the priest invited his new young assistant priest to have dinner at the rectory. While being served, the young priest noticed how shapely and lovely the housekeeper was and down deep in his heart he wondered if there was more between the priest and the housekeeper.

After the meal was over, the middle-aged priest assured the young priest that everything was purely professional...that she was the housekeeper and cook and that was that. About a week later the housekeeper came to the priest and said, "Father, ever since the new assistant came for dinner I have not been able to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose he took it, do you?" The priest said, "Well, I doubt it but I'll write him a letter."

So he sat down and wrote, "Dear Father, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that it has been missing since you were here for dinner."

The young assistant received the letter and he answered it as follows: "Dear Father priest, I'm not saying that you do sleep with the housekeeper and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with the housekeeper. But I do know for sure that if you slept in your own bed you would find the gravy ladle."

cerita lucu 8 : Orang Tua yg Liarr... !!!!

An old man shopping at a department store for a gift for his wife was intent on watching a teenage girl who was going through the sale racks. The teenage girl had a Mohawk dyed in various colors: pink, purple, green, and yellow. The old man kept staring at her.

 

Irritated by his staring the teenage girl finally broke down and sneered, "What's the matter, old dude? I bet you haven't tried anything wild in your whole life, have you?"

 

The old man did not miss a beat when he replied, "I was drunk one time and was with a Macaw. I was just curious if you were related!"

cerita lucu 7 : Larii... !!!!

LARIIII ........!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was teaching a very basic class in BASIC programming to a group of adults. Adults who have never been around computers before are very nervous and much harder to teach than children, however I am a patient person so I enjoy their successes.

However, I must share the following:

After putting a short program on the board, I told the students to type "R," "U," "N" and press return to see the program execute.

A hand went up in the back of the room, waving to get my attention, and the person attached to the hand said, "I did what you said and it didn't work." Knowing full-well that all of us make mistakes when typing at the computer, I suggested she retype "R," "U," "N" and press return. A few seconds later, the lady's hand goes up again. "It still doesn't work," she said.

So... I went back to see what the problem was ... only to find that instead of typing RUN, she had typed in the following: ARE YOU IN !

cerita lucu 6 : Pelajar Bijak !!!!

cerita lucu 5 : Rancangan Nak Kurang Berat Badannn

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.







The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.






She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.






The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."






Without a second thought, he takes off after her.






A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.






The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.






On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.






He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.






The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.






She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."






Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.






This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.






So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.






Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.






He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.






"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."






"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."






The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"






He lost 63 pounds that week. !!!

cerita lucu 4 : Kerja Zoo

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.

He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help me, help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"